One Thing

Violence against Women

The other day I was reading a story about a concubine in the book of Judges, specifically chapters 19 and 20 and thought I should share this with you. In those two chapters, it spoke a Levite concubine who had left her husband living in Ephraim to go to her father's house in Bethlehem. After some time, her husband went to fetch her accompanied by his servant. On the fifth day, the Levite man, his concubine and servant left Bethlehem late. Consequently, they had to seek shelter in Benjamin since it was getting too late to travel. In this town, they couldn't find anyone to take them in and so they rested in the town area. An old man decided to help them out for the night. As they were enjoying themselves in this old man's house, a group of trouble makers came and demanded to sleep with the Levite. The old man pleaded for his cause and offered daughter and the concubine. The men wouldn't listen to him as a result the Levite pushed his concubine outside. These men raped her all night and let her go at dawn. She managed to get herself to the old man's house, where she died at the door.

The husband came out and shook her and realised she was dead. He took her body home where he cut her body into 12 pieces and then sent one piece to all tribes of Israel. Everyone who saw it stated it was a horrible crime that has ever been committed in all of Israel since the time they left Egypt. They questioned what were they going to do? Who is going to speak up? All of Israel united as one man against this atrocity. Messengers were sent to the tribe of Benjamin, where they were asked to give up the guilty men so that they can be executed. The Benjamin failed to listen and instead chose to fight the Israelites.

Prior to the fight, the Israelites went to enquire of the Lord and asked which tribe should go first. Cutting the long story short, the Israelite army sent a few soldiers at a time and each time the Benjamin army would kill them. This happened twice and the Israelites wept in God's presence and fasted. They sought God's direction and received it. The Israelites came up with a different strategy to beat the Benjamin army and this time they succeeded and the whole town was destroyed.

So why am I sharing this story? Because  I am a woman living in a country that many women are killed by men who were supposed to love and protect them. Some of these murders were committed by men who simply prey on women to do as they please with no regard or care to the laws that govern the country let alone the life that is at their mercy. I will not get into the statistics of SA but it's worth mentioning that femicide in this country is five times the global average. It is a pandemic that has no clear resolution. New cases every other day reported on the news, another beautiful woman's face splashed as another statistic, such news have become a norm and it shouldn't be like that. A woman who will not get to live out her full potential, to let her light shine.

I have come to learn that many factors come to play when such violence is committed because I wanted to know what goes through a man's mind when they choose to end a relationship this way or commit such a crime (for the random cases where the perpetrator and victim are strangers). I asked a few men about this and most answered on the case of relationships. They said men snap due to consistent nagging or fights, being cheated on or left by the lady they loved, wanting to leave a mistress without the risk of being found out, which would cause one to lose out on what he's built. The reasons are plenty and none of which I have heard justifies any of those senseless killings.

So the story I shared out of the Old Testament (OT) is to highlight that this is not new, however unlike then, even though it was a different time and at that time people living without laws could tell what was done to that one woman was beyond evil to they stood up and united against those who did such wrongs. I have come to know that marches for this causes does raise awareness however, it does not eradicate or decrease the number or rate the violence against women is being committed. There's clearly a deeper problem, a mental one; one that involves the perception of women (as women, not sex objects as portrayed in different platforms of media), knowing when to leave a relationship, relearning moral values, understanding what love is versus lust and obsession. All these can be accomplished when there is open communication, organisations started by upstanding men for all men to learn and discuss these issues. For women to know what part they need to play to aid men and sons of society to act right. These are the different strategies  I think would help. We, all of us both men and women alike need to be united as one to fight against gender-based violence and seek for justice for our fallen sisters since a few fighting at a time is not enough. Above all, we need to enquire of the Lord, for the way forward, prayer is needed every day for the safety all women and children and for all men within the borders of this nation to play their part of being the providers,  protectors and positive contributors in society they were created to be.  Unlike the OT days, we have laws now so the story given was to illustrate the principles learnt as highlighted in the text.  Please do share and comment about this issue as I would also like to know your thoughts.

Invisible Enemy

Chain Reaction

Today's post is more of the perception I got when it comes to how far we can impact one another into progress or failure. I've learnt that we limit other peoples progress intentionally and sometimes unconsciously. The state of people and what is going on in the world is man's fault at most and at part ours. The times' people give in into selfishness, corruption, greed, worked on jealousy and other similar ills have somehow contributed to the poverty, pain, injustice, sickness, crime and all that contributes to the vast gap between rich and poor. I call this the chain reaction that involves many people in between that are often strangers. In as much that everyone is responsible for their own choices, often those who choose wrong were driven there out of desperation to survive. In a world of approximately 7.8 billion people, few of these people work to see change with no ulterior motives.

All of us have a part to play to make the world a better place. Few are not enough to see the change that most if not all people in the world want to see. A world where all people have access to basic needs (food, water and clothing), where all children get a chance to get a good education, those who are skilled, talented, gifted and graduates get jobs or opportunities within their range. It is our responsibility to change what is not right and only children get a free pass on this. 

I guess we don't realise keeping life all about us, our family, our friends and our world only maybe a contributing factor to the ills we see. I don't know why some people do that, maybe out of fear not knowing what the future holds, so giving what they may need in an uncertain future is not an option. Some may hold on to things for boasting rights and pride. There are many reasons why we hold on to surplus and no one is in a position to judge because no one is perfect, however, this may be costing us more than what we keep to ourselves.

For example, Africa is the richest continent in the world in terms of natural resources containing almost one-third of the earth's mineral resources and yet it is the poorest continent. There are many reasons to why this is, reasons from corrupt to vision-less leaders, capitalism amongst other reasons. What I have also learnt is there are more people who want to see a better world for all compared to the few (they are there) who benefit from the injustice, atrocities, capitalism, wars and overall social ills. When it comes to natural resources, was it a case of finders-keepers? why was is it that profits acquired from these resources not beneficial to all who live within respective African nations? These questions have remained unanswered and even avoided.

In an ideal world, if the resources benefited the entire society we would see less crime, poverty, sickness, suffering and pain. We would see more educated, skilled, talented and gifted people getting jobs and many opportunities available. Everyone would have a chance to fulfil their God-given purpose instead of simply surviving, people would live. The chances not given to the least of us will cost us more than what we keep. We lose unrealised creativity, techno skills or skills in general that remain undeveloped, discoveries that would lead to cures of the various illnesses, problem solvers, engineers and world-changers all of whom we would benefit from. I think of those who have never had a chance at living and only survived and their time on earth ended, purpose not met and cures of diseases people now suffer could have been a thing of the past. But here we are, we cost ourselves more than what we keep when we think "me" instead of  "us". To me, it is like making a deal that leaves you poorer than you were before.

Amidst the suffering, we can be the change we want to see for a better tomorrow for future generations. The little or much we do for another benefit may impact them positively. Not just the individual it was meant, this (whatever it is) may stretch even to their families, later impacting the next generation of that family leading to progress for that family. I have come to realise that building people (even if its just one person)is building oneself and the effect may and can reach millions and may continue for generations and that is what I call being truly rich. It is not in the money one makes but rather how one can impact another (in various ways such as a simple act of kindness) person for a lifetime. We can live a better world when we all do our part. We have and are the answers to the problems we phase and unity makes the implementations of solutions much easier.

Challenges

A plant needs both the sunlight and rain (sometimes in stormy weather) to grow. The lack of either one of them, the plant will not grow and die. Likewise, the lack of challenges in our lives means that we won't know the full potential and capacity of our strength, creativity, skills, gifts, talents and our being in general. We would become dormant and fail to progress. James 1:2-5 states that challenges are essential to our growth, it builds endurance to the point of needing nothing. Therefore, we should count as joy when challenges come our way even though it is uncomfortable and painful as it is an opportunity to grow,  progress and become a better version of yourself. In Romans 5:3-5 states that endurance develops strength of character which leads to us being confident in our salvation. 

Personally, I've learnt overcoming challenges builds confidence. For me, I have never had to drive long distances (400km+) by myself, there was always someone with me until this plague (Corona) happened and there were travel restrictions. The night before, I didn't sleep much because I was anxious and I had to consistently think positive. I was so accustomed to being with another especially when I thought about the Johannesburg traffic and having to use the GPS. Anyway, what I learnt is fear causes anxiety and some of that was built within, in the mind and not what the road actually was. I arrived safely and actually enjoyed myself. Joburg still had its usual traffic (but better than normal days) and the GPS didn't fail me. Now I consider myself I skilled driver and I am more confident on the road.  

 Endurance is about pushing through no matter whatever storms or problems we are facing. In this, we learn more about ourselves and our capabilities we wouldn't have otherwise known. Everyone needs guidance, therefore, during challenging times, it is vital to ask for wisdom and to invite God into the situation. Life with God is an adventure. When challenges leave you feeling overwhelmed, anxious and tired, be courageous and confident that God is with you all the way and you'll come out of the situation stronger than you were before. 

Deprograming the Mind

When Israel left Egypt for the promised land, it took them forty years to arrive there. The people I talk to about this often say it is their faithlessness and stubbornness that caused them to wander around the wilderness. Yes, this may be part of the reasons, however, it is easy to look from the outside and wonder why it is after seeing the miracles (parted red sea) of God and being guided day and night by cloud and fire respectively, they couldn't simply have been obedient. I mean to me the problem seems to be in the mind and what one is programmed to focus on.

Before speaking, I like to analyse the situation and see how practically the lessons we learn from scripture is applicable today. When I think of the background of the Israelites before the rescuing, they were slaves that were harshly treated by their Egyptian slave masters for a long time. Moreover, because of this, they saw themselves as inferior.  Secondly, even though they acknowledged God, they were exposed to Egyptian Idol gods and this was their environment for about 400 years (many generations). People act according to what they know and exposed to. It may be because they were constantly tormented that they became fearful. And since they were slaves, they were accustomed to that way of life, in a way they had accepted their situation even though they prayed for help.

During the rescue, the bible describes their response to the many challenges they faced. For example, Numbers 16:12-14 Then Moses summoned Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, but they replied, “We refuse to come before you! Isn’t it enough that you brought us out of Egypt, a land flowing with milk and honey, to kill us here in this wilderness and that you now treat us like your subjects? What’s more, you haven’t brought us into another land flowing with milk and honey. You haven’t given us a new homeland with fields and vineyards. Are you trying to fool these men? We will not come.” They had accepted their life in Egypt as it is and couldn't see and believe anything else was better despite the promise and the miracles they saw e.g.parting of the sea. I do not think it was simply just an issue of faith, rather it was the mind that was programmed a certain way for centuries from one generation to the next.

Furthermore, in Exodus 32:1-2 states that when the people saw how long it was taking Moses to come back down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron. “Come on,” they said, “make us some gods who can lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.” So Aaron said, “Take the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters, and bring them to me.” This is what they learned from the Egyptians who had many gods they worshipped. Even Aaron was part of this team for making a golden calf to lead them even when he worked so closely with Moses from the time of appearing in front of Pharoah. 

Lastly, in Numbers 13 we learn about the 12 men that were sent to spy out the land and only 2 of them came back with a good report the other 10 had a part report that spread. Moreover, in verse 33 the men described themselves feeling like grasshoppers next to the giants, they felt inferior a feeling that is not new to them. They saw and reacted to what they saw with fear. One thing I've learnt is that fear is contagious especially to those whose minds are not educated in the Lord (knowing God) while faith isn't. Faith is hoping for things not seen as if they are, faith is intentional and is independent of one's circumstances. 

What these people were programmed to believe while in Egypt, failing to change their minds and believe God (whom they cried to) and believing the bad report may be contributing factors that cost them the promised Land. This includes also Moses. Joshua, Caleb and the new generation (after 40 years) are the ones made it to the promised land. The new generation whose minds were fashioned from a young age to believe in God, unlike the former generation where it was difficult to convince a mind programmed for many years with many miracles in a few years.

This is a case of you can take people out of Egypt but you can't take Egypt out of them. This is why I believe the renewing of the mind is vitally important in a Christian’s life today, believing what God says in the word and not believing what the world says about you. The Lord says you are loved, forgiven, healed, overcome, victorious, made in His image and has given you hope and a future amongst other wonderful things. Programme oneself with God's word and unlearning or deprogramming one's mind of things that oppose God's word. The Israelites at the time missed their land of milk and honey because they lacked faith, we cannot afford to be stumbling blocks to our bright future due to challenges. It is in these times that God stretches our character and renews our mind further to know Him deeper and increase our trust in Him.

The Covering

Jesus came to do away with our sin  (Hebrews 9:26, 1 John 3:5) and not cover our sin.  Animal sacrifices {as done before the time of Christ} covered sin (Hebrews 10:4-11). This is my perspective; the problem with covering sin is that it has the potential to grow again like weeds. Therefore, people in the old testament had to sacrifice animals regularly to cover their sin. Jesus came to uproot and completely take away sin so that it does not grow again and bear fruit. When we accept Christ's sacrifice, it is like a new seed planted that has the potential to grow and bear many good fruits.

The unattractive attraction

People say make Jesus famous, but most if not all people in the world know about Jesus. It appears as if Jesus is famous but not attractive. Isaiah 53:2 states that Jesus was unattractive in appearance. He was unattractive to many because of what he stood for.  He was all about God's and the things He said were heavy and challenged many to the core especially those that deemed themselves righteous due to their religious standing. His words penetrated people's hearts like a double-edged sword that threatened what they preferred and accepted. They rejected Him because the requirements were too high than what they were willing to give. He made them feel uncomfortable and saw Him as a threat. They preferred comfort and didn't want challenges that rocked their world. He was a constant reminder of righteousness that exposed their shame, their short falling and didn't want to see themselves as such. Their resolve was to get rid of Him so they could get back to their way comfortably. In their blindness, they wanted to stay. Seeing was too uncomfortable for them to bear. Sight knocked off their pride and exposed their need for help but admitting that is shameful. The truth they knew by knowledge but the heart will not accept. "Its too hard" and all they had to do was give Him them. As they are, He will renew them, wash them, cleanse them and dress them in clean clothes. Inside out the light can glow if they only let Him. Stubborn! they were rooted in sin hidden the covering of their hearts. Only a few knew that running to Him will hurt just for a moment, an exchange for a lifetime of joy. Many ran from Him as their "happiness" was unsatisfied, the happiness of the world that needs constant refreshing. The length people would go to get that "high" but at least His door remains open and has been and will be but not for long. You've got to run to Him, comfort brings a lifetime of delay and halts progress, one still maintained by bouts of water. In time you will thirst again. Come back, come back to Him, He is attracted to you, His love proof of the price He paid. Come back for His burden is light and His water never runs dry. 

Take your position

The Enemy

Most people know the famous story about David and Goliath, the boy against the taunting giant and with one rock it was a knockout. There's more to this story of victory as seen in 1 Samuel 17.  The story begins with two armies on opposite hills, the Philistines and the Israelites. The enemy was described as Philistinian Giant name Goliath (verse 1-11). Goliath was described as massive, heavy, mighty and 💪 strong too, a champion of a nation. His past accomplishments, capabilities and strength made him confident in his own might. He wasn't alone as the entire Philistinian army was with him. Goliath stood proud with his weapons taunting the Israelite army for forty days both day and night.

These are the lessons learnt

1. The enemies job is to taunt us day and night to make us fearful of him and that is what satan does to us relentlessly. He had to keep the fear alive to keep us from progressing.
2. He portrays his might, accomplishments, capabilities and weapons to make us know that we don't stand a chance. Giving up is our best option.
3. There are many enemies, but our biggest enemy may be our door to greatness, it all depends on our response.
4. The enemy knows us, he knows our weakness and the buttons to press, so he taunts to fear in us consistently so that we run from progress and destiny. He knows when we face challenges we become stronger to face the next one and the next one till we become who God called us to be.

The Request

David was a shepherd and his father Jesse sent him to check on and take food to his brothers who were part of the Israelite army. Early the next morning, David left as per his father's request to the Israelite army camp. He left his sheep under the care of another shepherd. He arrived at the time the Israelites were shouting their battle cries ready to fight. David left the supplies to the keeper and ran to greet his brother and that is when he heard Goliaths taunt to Israel. The Israelite army saw him and they were afraid and so they retreated.

1. David was responsible, he took care of what God gave him, he never left his sheep stray instead he left them under the care of another shepherd.
2. Obedience to the simplest and probably meaningless requests may direct you to the opportunity that can change your life.

The Opportunity

The army men started to speak about the giant, his day to day taunts and the Kings reward. David heard what the soldiers were saying and he asked for was the verification of the information. David questioned the IDENTITY of the enemy while magnifying God "who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?". Moreover, David wanted to know what was the REWARD of killing the Goliath. David's brother was angry with him as they KNEW him and thought he wanted to just see the fight. His brother reminded him of the character of his pride and deceit and his job as a shepherd. David verified the information again from another group and he received the same answer. Three times David heard the same information. His questions grabbed the attention of King Saul.

1. Your identity is on what or whom you focus on. David's identified with God and the enemy was not a match.
2.  No one does anything for nothing. David needed to know what was the reward. I think it was the contents of the reward that grabbed his attention. The reward would benefit not just him but also his entire family (exemption from paying tax). 
3. On the path to greatness or success, often they are people who remind us of our position based on things we did on a daily basis. This is what David's brother did reminded him of his position as a shepherd and nothing more. And this how dreams are killed by listening to those close to us (some who mean well) who derail us from our destiny because they can't see or fathom the extent of the greatness God has put within you. So they see you as what you've always been and identify you with what they see you do on a daily basis.  Eliab saw David the Shephard.
4. Persistence pays. David asked the same question and received the same answer. he persisted and his persistence got the attention of one who reported to King Saul.
5. Cease the moment that would change your life.

The qualifications (CV)

David told the King he can take on Goliath. The King saw David as just a boy with an understanding of Goliath history as a man of war since his youth. The unfazed David told the King about how he killed bears and lions to protect his flock and also go after the animal to rescue his lamb. Plus he knows how to defend himself and because of this, he can take on Goliath. Saul finally agreed and told him the God be with you.

1. Do not despise the times of small beginnings, it is there you gain the necessary skills that will enable you to maintain the position or place of where God is taking you.
2. David might just have been a shepherd but it this place he loved, protected and defended his flock. The skills he learnt at this time helped him later on in his position as the King of Israel. Just like he did with his flock, he fought and protected the people of Israel. David's CV qualified him to take on the giant.
3. God allowed certain challenges to happen during the course of Davids life to prepare him for greater things to come. What you learn when facing challenges and overcoming them prepares you for your destiny. These challenges are necessary for one's growth and development. Moreover, they highlight your dependency on God to overcome them which cements your relationship with Him.

The Fight

Saul offered David his own armour a bronze helmet and coat of mail. David took two steps and realised he can't use and he is not used to them.  He picked up his weapons of choice which were five smooth stones and went to face Goliath. The enemy still taunted with curses and demeaning comments and David acknowledged his weapons and that they were beneath what David had come with. He came in the name of God and he told Goliath his fate as if he was sure of what was to happen.  David took that opportunity to magnify God. Goliath attacked, David threw his stone using a sling and it hit Goliaths's forehead and he fell face first.  David took Goliath's sword and cut off his head.

1. Sauls armour can be viewed as one using another's equipment, skill or experience to face an enemy. The problem with that is that this can be uncomfortable and derail one from performing optimally. In other words, don't put on other people shoes, it might not fit and cause you to trip. People deal with things differently, and their way may not work for you.
2. The enemy will taunt till forever, and he will continue until you face him.
3. Know who you are in God, remind yourself of what is says about you to extinguish the lies whispered by the enemy.
4. David had his skills but they weren't enough. One's talent or skill can only go far but with God's anointing, nothing is impossible.
5. Goliath fell face first signifying the shame of a fallen enemy. 
6. The weapon the enemy had planned to use was used on him instead. No weapons formed against you will prosper.
7. This was the fight that got David known to people but God knew his heart prior to this hence he was anointed as king of Israel (1 Samuel 16). This was David's time for greater things to come.

The Victory

When the Philistine army saw what happened, they ran and the Israelite army pursued them. They killed and wounded many of them. David too continued to fight. Saul watched and wanted to know about David. And when David returned with the enemies head, King Saul asked about his father and where he came from.

1.  Even after such a huge victory, David never stopped pursuing the enemy, he kept on fighting. We need to fight whatever enemies we face. An enemy could be depression, anxiety, procrastination, fear etc anything that derails our progress. When you conquer one enemy especially the big ones, keep on fighting the ones left till you conquer them. This is why we all are a working progress.
2. When is victorious over an enemy, you give others the courage to face their enemies and fight.
3. A victory that benefits many gets one recognition and people want to know more about him/her.
4. David was courageous and skilled but it was God who was with him that gave him the victory.
5. David took his position against his enemy and gained victory.

The power within you

God is limitless and is not confined in time and space. He is a Spirit (John 4:24) and no one has ever seen Him (John 1:18). We are created by His own image (Genesis 1:27). His image is the Spirit and not what we look like physically. This then means even though we are confined in the space of our physical bodies, our "spirit" is limitless and its confinements are determined by our soul (mind). What we achieve is even more than we can think and imagine because of the power within us (Ephesians 3:20) because we are more than just our bodies can do, since our flesh is limited. He knows what we are capable of in Him when we abide and trust in Him, the impossibilities become possible as the spirit is not led nor driven by physical laws. 

David killed Goliath at the age of 17 years, yes the accuracy of his slingshot (with much practice protecting his sheep from wild animals) ended the physical life of the giant but the might of the sling was from the unseen power of God in David (1 Samuel 17). What was seen as an impossible situation for David (a small boy fighting a giant) was possible through God's power that was within him. This story is an example of how the spiritual and the physical converge.  Age is not a factor of what God can do through you, I believe it's through availability, will and total surrender to Him. Spiritual maturity through worship, prayer and studying from the scripture not only brings one closer to God but an individual is re-introduced to oneself and who one was created to be by the One who made him/her. A spirit is eternal and exists forever, and where we go after the earth is determined by our choices. 

I have heard people say that things are birthed first in the spiritual realm before the physical realm. Since the spiritual realm is unseen, to pray for things into being (according to God's will) takes Faith which is to hope for things not seen and believe that they are hence being thankful to God for receiving what one just prayed for before it is present. Just like the body needs food, feed your spiritual man by the meditating upon the word which will direct your path (Psalm 119:105) into your destiny that God had already planned. Limit not the power of God within you.

Real Love

I have often been told that you'll know one's character when there are challenges. Friends and families characters are tested in those stressful, confusing, grief-stricken, sorrowful and in need-of-help moments. Who will be there is the question even though not the focus at that moment in time.  Christ displayed love by action and words, He walked the talk. He proved then and now that LOVE is the root of a big tree that produces much fruit such as trust, kindness, loyalty, faithfulness, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, no judgement, endurance, joy, peace, presence, perseverance, commitment, understanding, compassion, generosity and much more. In the book of Ruth chapter 1, Ruth displayed what real love is to her mother-in-law Naomi. During the time, Naomi felt that there was nothing else left to offer her daughters in law and rather wanted to let them go back home and have a better life than what she could offer. The other one left but Ruth stayed as said "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go: wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us" (Ruth 1:16-18). Here she displayed her love by words and actions. Naomi has nothing to offer Ruth but she stayed. She was loyal, faithful and patiently endured the tough times with Naomi. She sacrificed the opportunity for a better life by not going back home. She remained faithful in the dark times not knowing what the future holds for her. She even was willing to give her all to identify more with Naomi saying her people will be my people and her God will be my God. She was committed to endure whatever path that may come her way as long as she was with Naomi, only death could separate them. For me, that is real love with no conditions and such love is tested, trialled and never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  It is the foundation that can and is capable of weathering storms of any kind I believe. Love is built with time and doesn't just happen and it is also a choice. I have learnt that real love has no expectations because if expectations are present there were conditions. If the conditions are not met, well there is no love. I believe that Naomi loved Ruth too and was willing to let her go for the betterment of her future. Love endures all things even when it hurts. Love is putting another's needs before yours even though it is not reciprocated as Jesus had shown to the point of dying on the cross for us so that we may have eternal life. Love is willing to do even what you don't want to do so that others may benefit. If we all loved like Christ loved, the world would be a much better place. But God's mercies and grace carry us in our imperfect state as we are all a working progress. And that's just the surface of God's love (agape love) and it is deeper and incomprehensive.

In terms of relationships that lead to marriage, I believe that this is the type of love (as deep as it can be) that should be displayed. But since I am not relationship expert neither do I have much experience in this area further research and testimonials are warranted (in other blogs or internet websites) for those seeking to understand more on this. If you are successfully married and know the ropes on this and have further insight on this subject feel free to comment and share.